Moving On

Originally blogged sometime in 2013.

 
Seven years ago I was fired from my job. I was 52 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. At the same time I was having multiple health problems. Each day was more difficult than the day before just getting out of bed and dragging myself to work. Laying awake at night dreading the morning. God seemed so very far away.

First my huskies went to foster homes which later became permanent, the cats too except for one, my car which I painstakingly cleaned and polished was picked up and returned to the finance company, then my house was sold at auction. The best furniture went to my son and the rest went in storage. I laid on a mattress in the empty living room next to my last dog and stared at a wall while my friend and her daughter packed up what was left in the house. 

I tried working 9 months after my job loss - doing contract work. I was let go because of my health problems. I filed for Social Security Disability and was turned down so with borrowed money, I retained an attorney and we filed an appeal of Social Security's denial. It took 3 years to get a court hearing during which time I had zero income and had to borrow money for food, medication, whatever was needed.

Seven years later, the physical health problems have been pretty much resolved after 3 major surgeries. I lived with my oldest son for 4 years off and on, a year and a half was spent with a nephew, a year and a half with my sister, 6 weeks with my younger son. The emotional issues are still rearing their ugly heads now and then. I find it hard to lay the past to rest with all it's losses. In my mind's eye - I look for a time when I have my own home again. Room to move without tripping over debris stacked on the floor, desk top or rolling over something stacked on one side of the bed.  But it's time to move on.