Still Learning After All These Years

After moving to a small farming community on the shores of Lake Huron, I decided I needed to obey the biblical injunction to "assemble" with other Christian believers.

I am by nature a reserved person preferring to stay at home and piddle around rather than to socialize. In fact it's become a rather significant life choice resulting in a lack of close friends. I'm not even sure I know what a friend is. The last one I had was in 1980 something - my friend Darlene. We are still friends though we spent several years out of contact. But she lives on the west coast and I am now in the mid-west. The distance is hardly conducive to maturing a friendship with all the gives and takes that friendship requires to be a true thriving relationship.But we do talk on the phone and keep up with each other's health issues and life challenges. I never fail to hang up the phone and think, "Gosh I wish we didn't live so far apart. I miss her!".

Back to my original thought - that of "getting involved" in a local church. Now here is the thing. I was introduced to another single woman when I moved here. It was fun getting to discover a new area and having someone to "pal" around with. But the days turned into weeks and gradually my  normal life's rhythm returned. Jumping in the car and taking off began to disrupt what little routine I had been trying to build. But my new friend - and rightly so - was confused by my withdrawal from social contact. I found myself constantly having to do the boyfriend/girlfriend break-up dance to the tune of "It's Not You - It's Me" - and tiring of having to justify why I don't answer my phone all the time (I usually don't know where it is) or why I don't call to cry on her shoulder when I'm feeling blue (because I don't DO that with anyone except my daughter-in-law). The more I was expected to stay in constant contact - the more I withdrew. But unfortunately, God doesn't allow us the luxury of withdrawing from other human beings so that we can pamper ourselves and do only what we want, when we want.

After starting to attend church, I looked for ways to be of service to the Lord. I don't feel any specific call on my life - "Therefore", I thought, "I'll just find something that needs to be done or where a volunteer is needed - and I'll do that for now." And I started volunteering all over the place; Working with young readers to improve their reading skills, offering to babysit for a single mother when she was stuck for childcare, participating in the Youth for Christ weekly evening get-together s for the local young people in surrounding communities, taking pictures of church members for the church directory, doing childcare during weekly bible study... and the list goes on. And I joined a quilting group as a way to force myself out of the house. All of these activities have something in common - they have forced me to leave the house - talk to people - and let others know me. And this is what I found - there is a comfort level in being unknown - you can slip in and out quietly without making real contact. But where there is comfort - there is also stagnation. You avoid accidentally revealing your insecurities - you can keep a mask over your face and avoid too close a connection. And you can keep from getting too close to anyone. Only the thing is that God wants sincere people - without pretense or deception. He calls us to expose our flaws and insecurities - and in doing so - we find healing in the acceptance of other imperfect human beings.